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When I was little, my Pop had this HUMONGOUS veggie garden at his house. He would always plant very similar things each season, yet I always loved it. It meant that I could eventually go and pick said vegetables at a later point in time. The veggies always looked amazing, and it was always immaculately cluttered but also chaotically structured working order. (It sounds likes my bedroom. Maybe that's where I got my messy but creative streak from. Who knows? Anywho.)
Sadly, I never inherited my Pop's green thumb. Over the years, I've been gifted many succulents, and each one of them have died. There's a running theory that I either:
A) Over watered them
B) Didn't keep them in the sun
C) Under watered them, or;
D) Completely forgot about them (the more likely option)
This isn't to say that I didn't want to keep them alive - I was just young and naive, and the whole idea of keeping a plant alive wasn't really cool back in the old days. Or, not to me at least.
Fast forward to my adult years:
Over the past few months, my interest for plants has started to rise again. A lot of the girls I used to work with grew plants, and my social channels, when they were being flooded with babies and engagements - there were plants. I figured, well, I'm not getting engaged any time soon, and a baby is off the cards kind of indefinitely, what about plants? So I started on my journey for fake ones.
Kmart was a godsend for random-ass plants that looked pretty, and required el zilcho requirements on my part. My favourite is one with a watermelon base (which was only like, $2 because the legs are cracked but that's a minor detail.)
This still didn't really feel like it was enough though. Y'know? I loved seeing them, but I'm a hoarder. The thing about being a hoarder is that all the inanimate objects that you collect, you love them equally, knowing that they'll always be there for you no matter what. Even if all your objects are taking up every inch of space in your available area. (insert awkward smile here.)
The issue is though, unless you're super crafty, or at least semi-motivated, these don't actually change. You can stare at your beautiful fake watermelon pot as much as you like - and it'll just sit there. Doing nothing. Year in, year out.
If we can remember one of the key points of my blog just for a key minute - I'm a midlife, mid-life crisis blogger. AKA - I had a melt down at where my habits were getting me.
BRING IN: THE SIMS
How absolutely banging is Sierra's bedroom and downstairs area, right? I spent hours downloading mods one night, before deciding that I was going to take on an amazing house reno. Apparently my inner child wanted to make it super amazing and bright -
AND PLANTS EVERY WHERE
I'm pretty confident by now we've all seen the movie Inception and the idea of plants has just stuck in my head. For months now. So, I decided to do a real life Sims episode and renovate my deck, and the inside of my house and became a plant mum for the like, fourth time in my life.
Now I'm not an individual to test the water and see how we go - oh no. Not me.
I went a little crazy:
AND THERE'S MORE
These are just the ones that are outside. There's another three cuties inside, plus a few other bright coloured ones that went to my front garden. I'm pretty excited. I worked my butt off making everything look pretty (and also avoided the builders next door which was a pretty large feat, if you don't mind me saying.)
I spotted a monstera today online which I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO ADD INTO THE COLLECTION but, I with withhold until I know I can successfully not kill at least all of these ones. I shall keep you updated over the next few months.
Are you are a crazy plant person? Do you have a favourite?
Let me know in the comments below!
I know what you’re thinking. “Claire, why in the world are you talking about being fat in photos when your…
(Y'know what, this face was the exact moment my legs had stuck together and I wasn't moving anywhere from my spot on the ground, and the sweat behind my knee caps had just squelshed. Yeesh. Welcome to #RealTalk)
One of my most favourite things about being a teenager in the 2000's was the fact that I got to see emo bands come out with ridiculously long titled songs that made nearly no sense, but were somehow awesome. I actually managed to transfer this concept into a lot of my old poetry I used to write titles like; "This could have only been four words but is now a whole paragraph avoiding sweat: the novel"
Growing up - I was acutely aware that I sweated more than most people. Like - it was super gross, and is still, super fucking gross. I'm a plus size girl. I always have been. It's not like I can honestly sit here and write an article about sweat and glamify it, regardless if it's a perfectly natural thing or not.
The point though that it IS a perfect natural thing.
That doesn't stop it being hard though.
GOING BACK TO THE OLD SCHOOL DAYS
I know coming out of P.E. back in high school it was rough. Particularly after any class that featured that horrifying excuse of exercise called the BEEP test, (Yeah, you know the one. I had nightmares about it. Level one, one. bee bee beep) Finishing that class, I broke. I'm talking about full face red, wheezing, and sweat dripping down for days. Okay maybe not days. There's a thing called a shower which was readily available after school, but that was the thing yeah? In Australia, (or at least at my high school) whilst we had showers available, blow me down if anyone ever actually used them after sport. I have a list of things I'd tell my younger self. Advocating for time to allow the option to actually shower off is certainly one of them.
A NUMBER OF ISSUES
There's a number of issues with sweat. <br>Firstly, it smells. Yes, I know that technically it's meant to be that way. Apparently it comes from the idea that people with opposite genes find it attractive, and therefore will be more likely to have a better gene pool. Or something like that.
Let's be honest though, sweat and the smell is pre' gross. Especially when if and when it gets soaked into your clothes.
If you had P.E. first up on a day, and you were stuck in your clothes for the rest of it, Good luck to your parental figure for getting that stink out.
I know even in my current uniform that I have for work, I have to double wash my clothes just to be on the safe side, and even then, I'm wearing $7 kmart tops because I know eventually all these are going to be good for are the bin, which is a horrid waste of money and waste to the environment.
Then you get into the embarrassment piece. Who knows that you sweat? Who can see it? It's like when you're casually walking up a hill for the whole of two minutes and it looks like you've just run a half marathon, who's out there judging you? That feeling of being fearful of wearing anything light coloured to the gym, because you know that your sweat patches are going to be SUPER evident and don't want people to stare. Not to mention your whole entire wardrobe rivals archers closet with the amount of choices of black you have.
Do you know how much I'd LOVE to add my colour into my wardrobe? Seriously, there's only so much you can do with dark clothing, and we all know that I love white and pinks, but not so much the see through when wet factor.
Don't even get me STARTED on being called out on your sweaty problem. I'm aware that I'm gross. I feel gross. There is only so much spray I can put on before I start smelling like a perfume shop, (and actually I'll get to that in a moment) - but at my last job - I had FOUR different people approach me at different times telling me that they had complaints. I was mortified, and I legit bawled my eyes out. It was the most humiliating thing to ever happen. "Is your washing machine broken? Maybe there's some mold? Do you actually wash them...? Have you tried xyz product?" FUCKING YES I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING LEAVE ME ALONE IN MY OWN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT PLEASE AND THANKS.
Let's also not forget one of the worst things about sweat.
I'm talking about that AWFUL feeling of sweat under your boobs and butts. You know about that horrible chafe you get between your legs and you have to waddle for at least two days and sleep with a pillow between your legs because it hurts. I want to say I'm a stranger to all of this, but I'm not. Which sucks so freaking much because I'd love to be a sweat free type of gal.
Now, I don't want this post to be all up in the negatives.
So instead I wanted to quickly put some things up that maybe people didn't know - or are just things I've come across that I can appreciate.
1. Antiperspirants, deodorants, perfume, and body spray/mist - are not the same product.
Dove has a really quick and neat post here about some of the differences between antiperspirants and deodorants. If you can't be bothered clicking, here's a quick recap; Antiperspirants are designed to kick butt against sweat and odour, (especially when active), whereas deodorants do a good job when you're more chilled back and enjoying life in the slow lane. Perfumes, body spray and mist, on the other hand, are there to make you smell pretty. They do nothing for your sweaty butt.
So if you're at the supermarket and needing to choose between Lynx Africa and Illusions by Impulse, Lynx Africa is actually going to be more your friend. (Full disclosure, I was actually going to make fun of Africa here, but apparently it's a full antiperspirant so who knew?) Which I'm sure is just a shock to you as well. If you're finding that you're still being super sweaty, then there are MANY others out there with a stronger anti-sweat effect.
Talking about this, if you've read any of my posts recently, you'll know I've been raving about the My Shay product I've been using. Honestly - I love it to pieces. I still think I might need something a bit stronger, but compared to everything else I've tried over the years, it's been such a blessing in disguise. I particularly like the smell because it's just amazing, and Tara (the kickass lady who owns the company) has made them in super sensitive ranges too. Yay!
*I promise this isn't a sponsored post, I'm just really passionate about stuff that works for uncomfortable situations.
2. 3B CREAM
I've talked about this one before but 3B Cream has been a life saver on so many of my trips. I swear upon this stuff for anything to do with chafing. I legit went my whole last Darwin trip with ZERO rash, and I was sweating like mad. Could not rate it highly enough. It works great for your upper body, lower body - and absolutely between yo' thighs, too.
Another one (depending on the heat and your sweat level) that I've recommended in the past, is the dusting powder from Lush which I found smelt amazing, but again, sweated off pretty quickly in a Melbourne heatwave. I think if you were just wearing it again on a chill day, that you'd do a bit better.
3. CHAIR BUTT SWEAT IS A THING. AND IT'S OKAY.
The worst part of going to the gym I find, is the fact that whenever I'm on stationary equipment, (For example the leg press, or seated rows - or whatever,) I leave a butt sweat patch. (Okay, look, it's the motivation to go in the first place, but this is a close second,) It's pre' gross. Like, oh look. That's exactly where my butt was.
I also hate going out to dinner, or basically anywhere that has a plastic seat because trying to cover this up is horrible and awkward. I personally found taking a small thing of disinfectant wipes with me, and do a quick wipe over before I leave makes me feel a bit better. Generally you can pick some up that sit super well within a bag, and defo in a backpack. I'm a little less self conscious now. Generally I won't hide what I'm doing. If you're not quite there though, you can just say that you've spilled something from whatever you were eating and wipe it away that way.
Let's be honest though, it's NOT something to be ashamed about. Whilst not everyone has this issue - I reckon a whole bunch of us do and it's just a part of you that you've just gotta embrace and be like BAM. I'm being pro-active about it.
If you're an adult who has their skin routine down pat, first of all, I applaud you, and secondly - you'd hopefully know a bit more of how to do said routine than I do, however in a moment of being an adult, I placed moisturiser on my face before leaving the house. Low and behold, it was a total heatwave inside my car, and the moisturiser I'd so lovingly put on my face 10 minutes early obviously did not have time to soak - and had now re-surfaced and started running down my face, and more importantly to this story - IN. TO. MY. EYES. I was in the middle of town, in rush hour, driving nearly blind, crying more poor eye(?) out because it stung like hell. Nearly died that day.
Do not put moisturiser around your eyes before leaving the house if it's a hot day. This goes for any other time you know you're gonna sweat it out, before it sets properly into your skin.
This also goes for sunscreen, which has also happened too many times that I care to admit for.
SO TO WRAP UP
all my fellow sweaty people, you are not alone. I feel you. (From a distance, because let's be honest, you don't want anyone touching you when you feel like that.) Plus understand the frustration of trying 10000 different types of sprays and creams to assist. I get the humiliation you feel. I'm okay to talk about it - because if it makes one person feel less alone in the world - AMAZING. It's a natural thing. Like boogers and snot. Whilst it might be natural, it doesn't make it less gross. At least you know there are others out there.
I'd love to add more tips into the above for suggestions on how to combat sweat anxiety, or to embrace it (more or less) - so drop a comment in the comment box below!
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