I know what you’re thinking. “Claire, why in the world are you talking about being fat in photos when your whole blog is centered around being positive about your mindset and body, so what gives?” And you’re not wrong. I LIVE for trying to promote being positive about body imagery, and to love yourself. Or, at the very least being body neutral. Here’s the thing though. Putting yourself in front of a camera when it’s full length is almost a whole new ball game.
There is no hiding the fact that I’m plus size. On my front page, it literally says “plus sized” within ten words of my opening paragraph. I’m not ashamed of the fact of this. I (somewhat) accept that I’ve been a larger girl for the whole of my 27 years of living. I’m also a fashion and editorial photographer. I’m very accustomed to knowing what happens when you get in front of the camera.
This is the issue:
Over time, society teaches you to judge your views on yourself to the extreme. This is particularly paramount about how we view ourselves in photographs. Especially when you know darn well that the image in your head is not going to match with the picture in the photo. And this is a pretty disappointing thought. With my upcoming trip to Bali, I went out and bought a chunk of new outfits because I wanted to look cute af in my holiday snaps. I have been so extra with designing the BEST birthday ever.
All I want to be able to do is go:
YASS, QUEEN. I AM LOVING LIFE.
It wasn’t until I started looking at this website showpo and doing my clothing measurements did issues start to kick in. I went to order this super cute white dress. Now typically, I’m a size 16. It’s the biggest I’ve been in a while. I’m already starting to get a bit angsty about wearing anything tight. So, not even avoiding the spoiler, there was literally nothing that would fit me on this site.
It started to make me think of all the badass outfits I bought. Then the fact that when I bought them they were already a little tight. I figured I was gonna squeeze into them with a loss of a few kilos. But with my PMS rocking up two weeks early, that didn’t happen.
I’m facing the thought that I’ve put in so much effort into wanting to lack so fabulous, but will look incredibly uncomfortable instead. It’s having that thought of “Yeah, I feel like a badass!” vs “I feel very uncomfortable and fat in these photos – and it’s showing on my face.”
Mind over matter?
I’m conflicted as I want to absolutely love how my trip goes, and I love getting in front of the camera. I’m scared that my thoughts however will define my thinking, and that I’ll look fat in these photos and that’s it.
It’s hard to promote a certain way of viewing yourself on such a large platform such as this and on instagram, and then try and sell such a thing to yourself as well. I’ve always been very honest about my struggles which I think is the reason why many people relating to my posts (#feels)
I’m challenging myself to absolutely go and try and get into as many photos possible, even with the fear that I’ll end up hating them. Life is way too short, and as my favourite hashtag says: