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Not pregnant at 28?

A journal piece on todays reflection: Not pregnant at twenty-eight. Should I be feeling the anxiety that I once did when I was 18? Read to find out

Get to Know Me Questions – Part One

I had a super successful twitter poll last week where a bunch of people responded*,  and 50% said that they wanted to see a new "Get to know me" post.  I also realised the last time I actually did an about me post was two years ago when I first started the blog, and that's pretty damn terrible read if I do say so myself.

So! I'm listening to the masses and creating this sparkling new blog post of frequently asked questions and queries!**

*if you count a bunch of people as er, two people
**they haven't been asked at all, tbh.

1. What is a band that you listen to that people might not think you would?

 

One of my favourite bands at the moment is actually a hip-hop duo from South Africa; Die Antwoord.  Their music is actually crazy, incredibly in your face and the polar opposite of the usual Australian hip hop I'd normally be listening to - and yet somehow I  managed to get within their 1% of Spotify listeners a few months back.  They actually just released a new album which I was super excited for as I didn't think they were on this indefinite hiatus for a while, but I'm not super loving the new songs which is a bit of a shame.

2. Do you have any hidden skills or talents?

 

I'm not sure if I would call it a talent or a skill - but I'm really partial in learning new languages. I studied French for four years. I also started to learn Auslan (Australian Sign Language) for a few terms, and have also been dutifully logging into Duolingo every day to learn Indonesian.   Am I fluent in any of these? Nope.  Can I somewhat understand what people say and/or write?  Yes to French and Indonesian - not so much for Auslan anymore.

 

I can also touch type with an average speed of 92 WPM, and actually type faster if I'm not concentrating on the screen (ie, eyes closed) and I also freak people out by looking at them rather than the screen whilst typing which is always fun!

3. Where was your first trip that you can remember?

 

The first trip I can remember going on was when I was about five or six.  For some reason, my parents thought it'd be a fantastic idea for me to travel on my own halfway across the country to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle in Alice Springs. (That was a fair solo journey!)  I had a really great time.  They had a spa in their back yard which was awesome.  I got my head stuck between the iron bars on their bed (not so awesome). We road-tripped across half of Australia to visit my other relatives in Sydney which was pretty sweet - until the last day when I lost my toy Dalmatian, I'd only got a few weeks prior for Christmas.  There are some pretty amazing photos of me in a total meltdown because of it.  Good times!

4. How do you want other people to see you?

 

This is actually a super tricky question now that I've written it down. (Slightly regretting putting it in!)  I guess I'd like people to see me as a really friendly person with a super bubbly personality.  I'd like to be seen as someone who will try and go out of their way to make people happy.

I'm super passionate about speaking up about mental health issues and awareness, and would also like to be eventually seen as a voice of said awareness as well.

5. When you were younger - what careers did you want to pursue?

 

  • A vet (I can't deal with seeing surgery)
  • An astronaut (too short)
  • A Disney Princess (also too short)
  • A Model (I get terrible, terrible mental health problems pursing anything model related)
  • A tour guide (still technically not too late)
  • A photographer (As above)
  • A sex therapist (also wouldn't say no!)
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6.  What is a quote that you relate to?

 

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.

— “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk

 

I actually read the quote before reading the book - and the book is actually a really great non-fiction read and actually explained a lot of why my brain processes trauma different than some other people.  Admittedly, I had to stop reading about halfway through because it was a fairly confronting read, and my headspace went.  I'd be keen to continue it again at some point though ♥

7.  Name a place that you'd love to visit

 

Chicago has been calling me years and years. I'd love to visit.  Do I know what is there that I'd like?  Not a clue. But you know those times where you just have a feeling you need to do something, or go somewhere?  Chicago is that place for me.  Morocco and the Maldives are actually other places that keep popping up every couple of months which I'm sure means I should probably check them out as well sometime soon.  If you've got any insider knowledge about them - feel free to drop a comment below!


8.  What do you like to do in your downtime?

 

I actually enjoy being on the computer,  more than anything. I play a lot of online games. My favourite has to be Marapets, which is kinda like Neopets, except better. (I might be a tad bias considering I've been on the site for like nearly 14 years so...)

I also play quite a bit of World of Warcraft.  For offline gaming, I've also just picked the Sims 3 back up again.  I really am not digging Sims 4 (although I have nearly all of the expansions.)  I love Civ5,  and also just picked up Animal Crossing: New Leaf again after a few years ♥

 

 

 

 

I super enjoy watching Youtube and a couple of my faves currently are;

MrBeast - great for entertainment and heartwarming content
Jessica Kobeissi - she's a really good fashion photographer and I've found I've adopted a lot of her mannerisms (whoops)
Mango Street - a photographer couple who just produce AMAZING
Plumbella & Steph0sims - two of the best YouTubers who feature doing Sims playthroughs

You can also find my Youtube channel here!

 

 

9.  If someone wanted to be your friend - what topics could they bring up to start a conversation?

I think I probably covered a few of those in the last question!  I'm always up for conversations on:

 

  • The Sims
  • Harry Potter
  • Animal Crossing
  • Photography
  • Anything blog-related
  • Travel & Adventures

I also accept showing of hilarious Tik-Toks, and frequently used Vines.

10.  What are 5 songs that make you happy?

 

I actually made an Instagram post on how you should make a playlist for songs that make you smile.  You can check out my list here.  Some have particular memories attached to them, others are just really good for singing along to.  There's a couple there that just come with a bit of #GirlBoss vibes and I just love them.

A couple of my favourites:

  • So Am I - Ava Max  

    Do you ever feel like an outcast?
    You don't have to fit into the format
    Oh, but it's okay to be different
    'Cause baby, so am I

  • High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco 

    Had to have high, high hopes for a living
    Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
    Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
    Always had high, high hopes

  • 7 rings - Ariana Grande 

    My wrist, stop watchin',
    my neck is flossy
    Make big deposits, my gloss is poppin'
    You like my hair?
    Gee, thanks, just bought it
    I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it

  • Price of Fame - 360

    That's what my passion is
    And I could go and buy a crazy, fresh Mercedes-Benz
    But I would rather help my mates in debt and pay their rent

  • 1955 - Hilltop Hoods

    We're living in the days when everybody sayin'
    "What a time to be alive"
    But I'm feeling out of place like I live in outer space
    'Cause it seems I'm stuck in time

Wooo!  That is it for part one!  Originally there was going to be all 28 questions in one neat list, but I realised that there's a lot to read so I'll let you get excited for the next part next week.

Was there anything thus far that you're surprised about? Do we have anything in common?
Should we be friends?  (insert *gasp* here)

Let me know in the comments!

Clairesupersmall

14/4/2020

Midnight

 

I've become the adult equivalent of an unsettled baby.  Grizzly, uncomfortable, and becoming increasingly frustrated that I'm unable to communicate exactly what it is wrong with me.  Another day's gone by and I'm feeling the pressure on myself that I had done absolutely nothing with it.   The action plan to go and start a new diet?  Didn't happen.  Going for a 30 minute walk? Nope.  Desperately craving some form of vegetable but had Maccas instead?  Yep.   I can feel myself going down hill and having an internal argument that we're stronger than this - but yet still can't grasp on how to fix being so overwhelmed.

 

 

Five Twenty-Two AM.

 

I know this because this happens to be the sixth time I've looked at my phone in the past half an hour.  I should have been asleep somewhere around three or four hours ago.  This isn't to say I haven't tried.  I absolutely did;  my brain was all ready to switch off, my eyes hurts - there should have been nothing preventing sleep.  Yet there was.  I'm 90% confident I'm allergic to the smoke from our woodfire and where blissful sleep should have been - I was yet again re-jolted awake with a runny nose and continual sneezing fits.  I wonder how many clarentine tablets you can take before you overdose on them?  Honestly I wasn't  in the mood to find  out.

 

 

One PM

 

Somewhere along the lines, I've fallen asleep.  I also awoke to a tissue stuffed up one of my nostrils,  so apparently the whole runny nose business got to me at some point during the last few hours.  I still feel groggy as all hell and start to consider how much I'm not appreciating this sleep schedule.  In fairness to my body - I'm getting my five to six hours, just not at the right time.  I tell my Mum about it,  she suggests I should probably get sleeping pills.  I don't disagree.

 

Five PM

 

Productivity today has so far been that I found three new species of fish on animal crossing, and planted a new row of trees.  Again, I ponder of the fact that I should be up and walking around.  That I spent an ungodly amount on work out gear that's just sitting in the bedroom.  4KG weights aren't fun to trip over, yet that's the apparent purpose they're currently serving.    There's a lot of judgement.  Not to anyone else, but only to me.  Why exactly can I not get up and actually leave the house and do what I need to do to feel better?  Why am I having consistent arguments about how things should go in such a time where everything is all topsy turvy?  A better question is why am I even talking to myself?  Surely it's from being stuck inside.

... which. Could be fixed.
By going outside.
Which I still can't seem to do.

Eight-Thirty PM

 

The blog post that was originally meant to be posted on Sunday sits awkwardly in my drafts folder.  It talked about how Easter didn't feel all that special any more, and whether or not that you needed to have little ones to respark that magic.

I feel like I need a lot of magic at the moment.
My sparkle bar is sitting very low.

 

I've given up trying to find a different photo to display for this post, and lazily accept that getting up to find my hard drive is too much effort. Everything just seems like an effort.  I keep looking for silver linings throughout the day -and there's been plenty of them.  Like how one of my plants has sprouted new leaves, and I've sort of taught Wally a new trick.

But there's just this ongoing overwhelming blanket that smothers the good bits.  I'm getting snippy towards the people in my family, and just wanting to get out and speak to others.  I'd kill for a coffee date.  On the flipside, I know how many messages are currently sitting in my inbox unanswered as I just don't have the energy to reply to the people who have so kindly reached out.  I feel like a failure wrapped up in a few extra layers of weight.  (The new stretch mark on my stomach confirms that.)

 

The colder months already bring out the worst of my anxiety and depression, and I'm cautiously suspicious how this year is going to go.

 

 

I'm exhausted already.
I just want some form of normality back.

 

Clairesupersmall

So, I guess I became a plant Mum

When I was little, my Pop had this HUMONGOUS veggie garden at his house.  He would always plant very similar things each season, yet I always loved it. It meant that I could eventually go and pick said vegetables at a later point in time.  The veggies always looked amazing, and it was always immaculately cluttered but also chaotically structured working order. (It sounds likes my bedroom.  Maybe that's where I got my messy but creative streak from. Who knows? Anywho.)

Sadly,  I never inherited my Pop's green thumb.  Over the years, I've been gifted many succulents, and each one of them have died.  There's a running theory that I either:

A) Over watered them
B) Didn't keep them in the sun
C) Under watered them, or;
D) Completely forgot about them  (the more likely option)

 

This isn't to say that I didn't want to keep them alive - I was just young and naive, and the whole idea of keeping a plant alive wasn't really cool back in the old days.  Or, not to me at least.

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Fast forward to my adult years:

Over the past few months,  my interest for plants has started to rise again.   A lot of the girls I used to work with grew plants, and my social channels, when they were being flooded with babies and engagements - there were plants.  I figured, well, I'm not getting engaged any time soon, and a baby is off the cards kind of indefinitely,  what about plants?  So I started on my journey for fake ones.

Kmart was a godsend for random-ass plants that looked pretty, and required el zilcho requirements on my part.  My favourite is one with a watermelon base (which was only like, $2 because the legs are cracked but that's a minor detail.)

This still didn't really feel like it was enough though. Y'know?  I loved seeing them, but I'm a hoarder.  The thing about being a hoarder is that all the inanimate objects that you collect,  you love them equally, knowing that they'll always be there for you no matter what.  Even if all your objects are taking up every inch of space in your available area.  (insert awkward smile here.)

The issue is though, unless you're super crafty, or at least semi-motivated, these don't actually change.  You can stare at your beautiful fake watermelon pot as much as you like - and it'll just sit there. Doing nothing. Year in, year out.

If we can remember one of the key points of my blog just for a key minute - I'm a midlife, mid-life crisis blogger.  AKA - I had a melt down at where my habits were getting me.

BRING IN: THE SIMS

How absolutely banging is Sierra's bedroom and downstairs area, right?  I spent hours downloading mods one night, before deciding that I was going to take on an amazing house reno.  Apparently my inner child wanted to make it super amazing and bright -

AND PLANTS EVERY WHERE

I'm pretty confident by now we've all seen the movie Inception  and the idea of plants has just stuck in my head.  For months now.  So, I decided to do a real life Sims episode and renovate my deck, and the inside of my house and became a plant mum for the like, fourth time in my life.

Now I'm not an individual to test the water and see how we go - oh no.  Not me.
I went a little crazy:

AND THERE'S MORE

These are just the ones that are outside.  There's another three cuties inside, plus a few other bright coloured ones that went to my front garden.  I'm pretty excited.  I worked my butt off making everything look pretty (and also avoided the builders next door which was a pretty large feat, if you don't mind me saying.)

I spotted a monstera today online which I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO ADD INTO THE COLLECTION but, I with withhold until I know I can successfully not kill at least all of these ones.  I shall keep you updated over the next few months.

 

Are you are a crazy plant person?  Do you have a favourite?
Let me know in the comments below!

Clairesupersmall